……………………………………
Was it meditation? or medication?
figure with my diction of friction it must be the latter
I’ve always been sick with it that’s what i was told
or is it a drug-induced dream of a long road?
Was it seed i’ve sowed?
or was it only patches of the holes on an old dress code?
…
Can’t tell what the deal I feel like God used me
[couldn't] sell [myself] and that’s real i wonder did God choose me?
…
Please…don’t think ‘cos i’ve questions i’m a weak man
I stood alone and i’ll do it again
I don’t fear tomorrow, tomorrow fears me
Fear’s my vison, fear’s my family
The sun’s afraid to rise for fear of what i’ll do today
Fear of what i’ll say, scared i’ll outshine
I’m startin’ to remember why I first began
Holdin’ future in left and title in right hand…
……………………………………

I’ve been going through a *boatload* of trying stuff since around February of this year. This coincides with the month that our church took as a “month of prayer” and fasting from various things. it’s been really crazy. i’ve had external issues come up that i can’t control, throw things into a loop, and i’ve learned a grip about myself, and my habits, how i operate, cope, and how easily i could slip into laziness and indecision, as well as when indecision is okay :). basically i’ve gotten to a point where i resonate quite a bit with the above verse–for me it’s been an “odd” balance of uncertainty, with absolute certainty, and confidence, and strength from within –not myself–but God in me that i’m drawing from these days).

so in a nutshell…we’ve been going through some crap, and have come, and are coming out much stronger for it. :)