or, this is where i explain my status message, a little bit:
“jon doesnt want to be a downer, but wants to observe out loud that he is now the same age as his brother was when he died. And that this is also around the time That Other thing Happened.”
so you see, my ping.fm collects my status for all posterity (i.e. i’ve written some code that will drop its updates into my personal database). so i wanted to post it there, and by default it goes everywhere else, which, as i thought of posting is perfectly fine actually–i wanted the freedom to have a sad thought. i’ve been actually *accused* of being too positive on occasion. wow.
This is “around” the 4th anniversary of my friend’s suicide–he was the biggest influence on my passion for photography. My brother, who died of AIDS complications was my age. On the flip side, my mother was this age when i was born. Which might also be disconcerting depending on how you look at it–my mother in many ways seems quite old now, and i always fight these thoughts of losing her soon. good grief :)
so yeah, wanted to get all this stuff out somewhere, ‘cos i’m feeling it heavy at this very moment, and joy (my wife) is gone (she’d probably be in bed this time in the morning anyway:). she did recently write something though that i think is going to help me get through the day…because honestly, i’m letting this out not to be felt sorry for, but to keep track of my thoughts this day, and actually get some strength to “make it” today
“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness. So I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2 Cor 12:9″
So that’s really it though. i’ve been accused of being too positive on occasion. One thing’s for sure. *you* have to still live, in spite of the crap going on in and around you. It’s good to let stuff out from time to time. But *you* have to still live. There’s not enough life available to act as if you’re already dead. Christ took care of that for us. Have compassion, but *you* have to still live. There are heavy burden’s we’ll bear, that’s for sure, but everytime i find myself going through stuff like this, i’m like “oh okay, maybe this is what *joy* (actual joy :) is about…contentment in spite of circumstances?”